There are only two ways
to handle women.

Unfortunately, nobody
knows what they are.

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A woman may buy riding clothes
and never get on a horse.

She might buy a bathing suit
and not go near the water.

But when she buys a wedding dress,
she means business !

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Summer Camp is where parents
spend $1,200 so that their
boy can learn how to make
a 50¢ clay ashtray.

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It is believed by many of you
that men are smarter than women.
Maybe so, but have you ever
seen a woman marry a dumb man
because of his shape?

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When it’s lunch time …

IT’S TIME FOR LUNCH !

(Be honest now, you’ve done this yourself, haven’t you?)

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It’s the women who have made the world beautiful.
If it wasn’t for women, men would always look
the way they do on a fishing trip !

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When a couple is carried away
on the wings of love,
nothing will bring them back
to earth quicker than a
flashlight suddenly switched on!

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 “Love makes the world go ’round,” they say.
But then, so does a good
swallow of tobacco!

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Say what you will for the new miracle drugs,
there’s nothing quite as effective
for getting a sick man out of his bed,
back on his feet and back to work,
as having a six-year-old volunteering
to read to him!

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About the only time
a married man gets in the last word
is when he finishes
the crossword puzzle!

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If you add just five words a month
to your vocabulary,
in a single year your friends
will wonder just who in the hell
you think you are!

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How times change!
There are some old-fashioned mothers who can
still remember their husband’s first kiss that
now have daughters who have trouble
remembering their first husband.

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A boy is someone who goes
through a phase in which he is
extremely interested in girls.

This phase usually lasts about 50 years.

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A man who can drive safely
while kissing a lovely girl
isn’t giving the kiss all the
attention it deserves!

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* *  *

Every man should serve a hitch in the Army.
He learns to make beds, to take orders,
not to volunteer and many other skills
he’ll need when he gets married.

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There is not, anywhere, a man who does not
tremble when his wife looks at him closely and says,
“I want to talk to you about something.”

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Dueling is still legal in Paraguay.
But the law requires both duelers to be
registered blood donors.

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