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Updated: Gnome Report – In Kentucky For the Debate

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FG Makes it to Danville

Update #2 -
I lucked out ….. got an upfront seat!  Somebody didn't show and the tv doesn't want any empty seats showing on the screen, soooo… here I am!

This is when they first walked out and shook hands before debating.  After it was halfway over, I was wishing I had stayed back in the press room where I could watch some DVDs on my laptop.  This debate was pretty boring with no new points made.  They both just reitereated the same things they have been saying on the campaign trail.  "Good Ol' Joe" continued playing his barroom drunk act and Ryan tried his best to ignore him.  I'll call this one a draw.  I'm going to bed down under the stage and head for home tomorrow.

Update #1 –
I got my seat assignment for the press room where they have some really neat bigscreen tv's set our for us.

I brought along the cables with me so that I can hook my laptop up to this big monitor.  I can watch an episode of Emergency! while I'm waiting for the show to start.

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HEY, I'M GLAD TO tell you that I made it safely to Centre College in Danville, Kentucky, this afternoon.  I rolled into the Norton Center for the Arts at 3:30 pm.

It's a good thing too, because as I told you last night HERE, I am the emergency backup for the moderator of tonight's debate between the Vice-Presidential candidates.  It is scheduled to start at 9 pm Eastern time. 

I'll be updating this evening's blog, so check back here occasionally to see how things are going!

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Gnome Report – Breaking News

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Breaking News!
Big Announcement!

I HAVE JUST BEEN INFORMED that I have been designated the official back-up moderator for tomorrow night's Vice-Presidential Candidates' Debate that will be televised nationally.

I will be filling in if the official moderator is unable to make it for any reason.  Otherwise, I will be in the press "bull pen" again filing my story on my gnomelaptop computer.

This is really big!!!  Be sure and tune in tomorrow and catch me in action.

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Gnome Report From Denver

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FG Gnome Gets Credentialed For the Debate

Hey, Guys… Good to see you again!  I haven't been out and about much since I got back from the Summer Olympics, but the Firegeezer has an assignment for me.  He got me a set of press credentials  for the Presidential Debate tonight in  Denver, and I'm hyped, Baby!!  Technically I'm on assignment for the Gnome News Network (GNN) and I'll be sitting in the press corral.  Just to give me some cred, I'm using my tv moniker, Walter Gnomekite.

(How do you like my real-reporter disguise?)

As soon as they let us lower echelon scribes in, I'll be setting up my laptop so that I can blog from the debate and let you know how it's going.  Myself, I will be listening to see if the candidates have the guts to tell us what they think about equal rights for short-statured people.

Update:  Well, the debate is over and it was pretty good.  I liked the format for this one, it allowed the two candidates to have more of a back-and-forth debate and challenge each other.  Man, that one guy on the right sure has big ears….almost as big as mine.  I wonder if he has a Gnomish grandparent.

But I didn't hear much to report back to the bog.  Nothing was said about our problems, like restrictive drivers license requirements and having to get our pointy hats from the Chinese.  Oh,well….. the next debate will be next week between the two vice-president candidates.  I think that one will be fun, so I'll  be there and report back to you again. 
…….. Signing off, this is Walter Gnomekrite.

All the media types had reserved seats in the "bullpen,"
a special room with plenty of tv screens to watch and work.

Earlier I was watching them go the final cleanup, light and sound checks.

They've been working on getting this stage
set up all week.  (Reuters)

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Gnome Report – Thursday at the Olympics

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The Weather Was Great Today!

They said that the weather was pretty crappy last week before I got here, but it has been simply wonderful this week.  I thought I would spend the day just cruising around some of the venues.  I started at the sand pit where I could watch Women's Beach Volleyball all week long!

 

Later I peeked in the weight-lifters' training room and I just couldn't help but see if I still "had it."  Looks like I do!

 

When I strolled into the boxing arena, I bumped into an old friend of mine from back when we used to referee the bouts at the Boys Club.  He invited me to ref one of the preliminary rounds and I was delighted to.  (I was required to wear the bow tie.  It's part of the official uniform.)

 

It was a nice, pleasant and relaxing day for me.  We'll see what tomorrow brings.  I'm having a great time.  Wish you were here.

Did you miss any of our previous reports? CLICK HERE to scroll through our back issues.

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Gnome Report – Wednesday at the Olympics

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I Was Really Expanding My Horizons Today!

When I got up this morning I had to get dressed up for this special photo shoot.  They needed another demonstration of those new, controversial ceremonial suits that caused the big flap when everyone found out they were made in China.  You remember that dust-up?

As soon as that was over, I headed for the teams dressing rooms and got out of that monkey suit, you betcha'.  Then I headed down to the rugby stadium to catch some of the manly sport.  Did you know that rugby is still an Olympic event?  I didn't either, but I made the mistake of running down to the field to get a good close look at the action.  Before I knew what was happening, I found myself at the bottom of a rugger.

Whoa!!  That's not my idea of recreation at all.

After they carried me over to the first aid tent, I got checked out and had nothing more than a slight limp for the rest of the day.  They told me to stay off my feet, so I caught a bus over to the river where they are holding the sailboat races.  I got there just before the single-person dinghy event was getting underway, so I went up to the press box to see if anyone could tell me what's going on.  Wouldn't you know it?  The radio announcer got laryngitis and they asked me if I had ever broadcast a sporting event before.  Of course I lied and told them that I do it all the time "back home."  So they put me behind the mike and told me to run with it.  The truth is, I don't know anything about dinghy racing, so I had to really wing it.

Now here's a real treat for you… most of you have never heard my voice, so you are about to hear my terrific broadcasting sound as I called the race.  I managed to get a video recording of my BBC debut.  Listen to it and tell me if you think I pulled it off ok.  Be sure to watch it all the way to the end.  Remember, before today I didn't know a dinghy from a dingbat.

 

Well, not bad for my first try, wasn't it?

I'm going to limp on back to the pub now for some of that terrific bitter ale they serve over here.

Did you miss any of our previous reports? CLICK HERE to scroll through our back issues.

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Gnome Report – Tuesday at the Olympic Games

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Getting in the Spirit of Things Now…

Hey ya….. whoopie!  I was feeling great this morning after yesterday's competitions.  Good exercise makes for a good sleep.  After I got up and dressed, I stopped by one of those famous London snack wagons for some breakfast pastries and tea!

After I got to the games, I first stopped by the tennis courts to watch the women show off their fashionable tennis skirts.  Yeah, yeah….. gnomes get lusty, too.

After a couple of hours watching the ball go back and forth, I headed for the water polo matches in the swimming pool complex.  The Norwegian team saw me and rightly recognized that gnomes naturally float, so they asked me to join in.

It was great fun, and we one our match in the round robin.   But I ended up drinking too much water and puked in the pool.  They made everybody get out and it took the maintenance crew 90 minutes to clean that stuff outa there and make the water safe again.  Needless to say, I was immediately thrown off the team.  I didn't know that Norwegians were such gnomophobics.

I'm heading to the pub.  Check back tomorrow and see what we got up to.

Did you miss any of our previous reports? CLICK HERE to scroll through our back issues.

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Gnome Report – First Day at the Games

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Havin' a Blast!!

Hooo Wheee!  I got an early start and swung by the Tower Bridge to see the great, lighted Olympic rings that they mounted up there.  And look who I ran into!

Everybody is really into the swing of things around here.  I call my new friends the Tower Babes.  Ain't they cute?  They promised me that they'd meet me at the Queen Vic pub later tonight right after dinner.

Next I dropped by the men's quarter-finals badminton courts.  I had read about their ticket snafu that left all the indoor arenas with huge blocks of empty seats.  In order to save some embarrassment, they brought some of the 3,800 soldiers that they have around for security into the stands to make it look a little more populated for the players.  Since I have a uniform on too, I was able to wangle a free pass to watch them swat the birdie for a couple of hours.

After I left the arena, I headed over to the River Thames to watch one of my favorite events, Rowing.  As luck would have it, just as I arrived the coxswain for the Lithuanian team's shell got suddenly sick and they needed a quick replacement.  Seeing how small I am, they drafted me into the boat to steer them down the course.

 

Too bad I didn't have time to practice first because I guided them into a press barge and we came in last.  Lithuania lost another chance for a gold thanks to me.  I felt so bad for them, but I was able to run away before they could take off after me.

Tomorrow I'm heading for the pool and check out the Water Polo.   I hope you come back and join me.  See you then?

Did you miss any of our previous reports?  CLICK HERE to scroll through our back issues.

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Gnome Report – Arriving in London

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Feeling the Excitement of the Olympics Already!

HEY, HEY…. I WAS ABLE TO make it to Trenton Internationl Airport Saturday night in time for the overnight flight to Heathrow.

Things went pretty smoothly because  my boss Steve had already bought my ticket online and all I had to do was go up to the counter and pick it up.  The only hiccup was going through security.  I forgot to take my harmonica out of my pocket and they decided to do a full pat-down.

But I cleared that ok and was lucky enough to get an empty seat next to me so that I could lay down to sleep during the night hours.

Arrived safely at Heathrow Airport around 8 am and caught the express train into downtown London.

Hooooo Boy!  This place is buzzin'!  I can hardly wait until tomorrow to start exploring the various Olympic venues and watching these great athletes in action.  If I play my cards right, I might get to slip into some of the contests before anyone notices.  Hee hee…. you know FG.   See you Monday.  (Remember, we're 5 hours apart now.)

Our adventure to the Olympics began yesterday HERE.

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Morning Lineup – August 4

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Saturday Morning – He's Baaaack!

We have some good news for you today.  Many of you have been wondering why our intrepid traveling reporter FG Gnome hasn't been at the Summer Olympics Games in London giving us his unique insights on the action.  Well, truth be told, he was stranded in Wyoming for about a week while waiting for a Greyhound to stop by the roadhouse where he had been doing his stand-up routine in the club in exchange for bed and bread.  But he didn't know until Thursday that the outpost had discontinued being a bus stop 18 years ago.

But we're pleased to tell you that he found a kindly truck driver who stopped by for a quick lunch and let FG hop aboard his tractor and ride through to Akron where he was able to hitch a ride back home to Erie. 

He's a little late for the start of the games, but not all is lost.  FG is on his way to Newark where he will catch a non-stop to Heathrow Sunday and, with press pass in hand, he will be filling us in on the exciting 2nd week of competition along with the impressive closing ceremonies next weekend.  So keep checking in daily for his reports exclusively here on Firegeezer.com

p.s.:  We're fortunate that FG knows his way around London after his memorable visit last year for Prince William's wedding.  He covered the heart-warming event HERE and HERE.

As the excitement builds, let's go ahead and get this equipment checked out for today.  Watch out for the Saturday shoppers, they'll be calling us soon.   I'm getting more coffee ready before we meet back in the day room.

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My 9/11 Story – A Ringside Seat to That Terrible Day …. by Steve Marshall

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In September of 2001, I was working as a photographer and editor in the news department of an ABC affiliate TV station. My normal shift ran from 10 pm to 8 am. and my primary job was to edit together the hundreds of the various elements that make up a 90 minute morning news show.

I had gotten into bed a little late on the morning of September 11th, having worked overnight and then covered a small news story before trying to get some sleep. My teenage son was home sick that day, or else I would have slept through the whole attack. He woke me up right after the first plane hit and I went right back to sleep. He was back at my door soon afterward, telling me that a second plane had hit the other tower.

Of course at that point it was obvious that this was far more than an errant plane flying into a building. I got up and watched the first 20 minutes of TV coverage and called my News Director to see if additional help was needed to cover the local angle of the story. He told me that all news personnel were being recalled to work EXCEPT the night-side staff. They were to stay home and try to get some sleep because it was going to be a long night ahead of them.

By now, the attack at the Pentagon was making headlines, although for some strange reason, one network kept saying the attack was a car bomb at the State Department even though we could plainly see it was the Pentagon.

I tried to go back to sleep but it wasn't going to happen. Finally at 6pm I headed for the station, prepared for total chaos. What I found at the station was un-nerving. It was eerily quiet as everyone was standing around watching the story unfold on TV. The Network had taken over with a Level 1 Break-In shortly after the attack and local news was sidelined for the most part. We would be given a 10 minute time slot for a local report and that was all for the 11 pm show…and the morning show was canceled altogether. No one knew how long the Network would remain at Level 1 and in control of our airtime.

My first assignment was to head to our local airport and try to catch some interviews with passengers from a commercial airliner that had been forced to land while en route to another city. By the time we got to the airport, the passengers had been bused to a hotel for the night but the pilot was still there. Even hours after the fact, the pilot was still white as a ghost, obviously terribly shaken up. He told me he had been told via radio to sit his plane down RIGHT NOW at the nearest airport. He asked for clarification, and was told to sit his craft down right away or risk being shot down, as the entire continental United States had been declared a "no fly zone" and was given no other info. He said that the only thing that he could figure that would cause such an order was a nuclear attack on the US and when he landed, he was sure that was exactly what had happened. He actually was somewhat relieved to find out it was only a terrorist attack. We returned to the TV station for further assignment, driving through totally deserted streets, as America hunkered down in front of their TVs and waited for the next blow.

Back at the station, my instructions from the News Director were clear. I would babysit a set of 6 videotape recorders that were constantly receiving live satellite feeds from all over the world, but especially from New York. I was to review all of the video coming in for "suitability". In other words, I was to eyeball every foot of that footage we are now all so familiar with and decide what would make air and what was simply too graphic. I would be archiving the entire event as it happened, fed live from Ground Zero, Shanksville and the Pentagon.

WJET-TV newsroom

As the night wore on, more and more footage was turning up, not only of the attacks, but of the

collapses, the rescue efforts, and the reactions of the Nation.

There exists far far more graphic video footage of the attacks than you could possibly imagine. Most will likely never make air due to the shear emotional power of it.

In my opinion, the most disturbing footage came in from Afghanistan. The locals were dancing in the streets in celebration over the attacks. Right then and there, I decided it was probably a good thing that I had not been the President that day, because I sure as heck would have blown that country back into the stone age.

Late in the evening, our Live Truck and news crew that had sped to Shanksville to cover the Flight 93 crash, returned, totally exhausted. They tossed me their videotape and went home. For the most part, all we could see of the Flight 93 crash, was the now-familiar smoking impact crater, but it was enough to tell the story. It would be weeks before the true story of Flight 93 would come out.

In the early hours of the 12th, the station's General Manager came into the newsroom and pinned up a memo from the Network. It was a very sternly worded order listing about 20 different video clips that were banned from airing on the network. They were the most graphic of the footage. The list included the shots of bodies falling from the towers, close ups of live victims standing in the windows waiting for rescue before the collapse and a number of other shots that were way beyond anything we would even consider airing in our conservative small market. The order included a threat that any station airing any of these clips would be in danger of losing their network affiliation.

The "powers that be" in New York had spoken. The 9/11 attack was being sanitized for Main Street America.

I would continue to archive the footage for the next 7 days. Every foot of the video that ABC, CNN and FOX had fed to the affiliates via satellite, was safely hidden away on tape. At my station, I am the only one that has ever seen all of it.

For the most part, as I watch the replays in the run-up to the 10th anniversary, I can tell you who shot what clip, where it come from and when it was shot. It's burned into my mind. I hope someday the worst of it will be forgotten in the fog of years gone by.

…….. Steve Marshall

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Gnome Report From the Wedding

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The Big Day Arrives!  And So Does FG…

Our mascot, F.G. Gnome left home via the Pittsburgh airport Thursday on the first leg of his trip to London to attend the wedding of his cousin Prints Willgnome to the lovely Cayte Middlegnome.  FG has been reporting on his adventure, first with the flights from the U. S. HERE and HERE.  Yesterday he sent some pics from London shortly after he arrived HERE.

Today was the big day, the wedding.  As luck would have it, there was another wedding scheduled for the same time today, but they managed to work around it.  Here is FG's report from today's festivities:

HEY, GUYS!  What a day…Wow!  It was a little rough around town with all those people here for somebody else's wedding, but we managed just fine.  The day started out with Blinky and I getting the wedding present ready for the lovely couple….

And it was a hit…Prints and Cayte just loved it!

Then we all went around to the banquet hall to check on how things were coming for the big reception that will be held after the nuptuals.  While we were there, a bunch of us posed with the bride and groom for a family photo:

From there we went on over to the church for the ceremony.  We all posed in front of it…. you may have heard of the church.  It's called the Westgnomester Abbey.

It was an absolutely beautiful ceremony, but we weren't allowed to take any pictures inside, so we'll have to wait a couple of weeks for the official photographer's pix to be sent out.  After the wedding, the happy couple had a fancy carriage waiting for them to take them to the reception:

We all went there and the Big Party began.  I got blasted, so I'll have to wait until tomorrow to post the pix from the fancy dance and activities.  So be sure to check back then for the latest.

See ya' later!

….. FG Gnome.

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Thursday Gnome Report -London Arrival

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Busy Heathrow, Long Ride to Town

HEY, GUYS!  After a restless night trying to sleep, we made it into Heathrow Airport in the morning just about breakfast time.  I was restless because I am sooo excited about seeing my cousin Prints again after all these years that I had trouble sleeping.  And adding to the excitement was our landing… right over the tops of a housing tract!

I'll bet that those people have trouble selling their house when they want to move.

The British Air terminal was jammed, too!  I asked somebody why so many people were there and it turns out there is another wedding tomorrow, too.  That other couple must have a lot of friends because they just kept on coming.

I had to get a bus to take me into town where I'm staying at the Royal Kingnome Hotel, a really posh place , the Brits call it.  It's a nice day and I chose to ride in one of London's famous open-air buses.

After I check in to the hotel, I will get a light lunch and then recover from the jet lag.  Busy, busy day tomorrow.  I'll check back with you then.

Cheerio!!

Firegeezer notes:  FG's adventure to London for his cousin Prints Willgnome's wedding Friday began HERE and HERE.

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FG Gnome Makes His Newark Connection

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Airport Security Catches FG With a "Weapon"

When we last saw FG Gnome earlier this evening, he was at the Pittsburgh airport getting ready to catch a plane to Newark where he expected to board a British Air overnight flight to London.  His cousin Prints Willgnome is getting married Friday.  If you missed it, read his report from the Pittsburgh airport HERE.  Here's his update from Newark:

HEY, GUYS!  The hop from Steel City to Newark was quick and smooth.  It was nice to unwind as I headed east.  But there sure wasn't any relaxin' when we got to Jersey…. that place is a madhouse!

Anyway, I rammed my way to the checkin counter and got my boarding pass.  But when I got to security they told me I had to leave my weapon at home.  Weapon?  What weapon?  Ahhh…. they were talking about my shovel.  But after I explained to them that it was part of me and can't be left anywere, we were able to have a compromise.  They let me pass through after I stood still long enough for them to give me a complete patdown:

Ohhhh…Kaaaay…On me way…

I'm gonna sleep all the way so I'll be fresh (as fresh as a gnome can be, anyway) when I get to Heathrow.  I'm anxious to meet Prints' bride-to-be for the first time.  I hear she's a real doll.  Somebody told me her name is Cayte Middlegnome.  See you at the next report from London!

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Gnome Report – FG Takes a Trip Overseas

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FG Gnome is Going Overseas

HI, EVERYBODY!  This is your old pal, FG.  I'm heading off to England today and I am sooo excited!  My cousin Prints Willgnome is getting married Friday and I have been invited!  Wow…this is great.  England is a great place for gnomes because that's where my family comes from.  I just got confirmation yesterday that I have tickets to the wedding and reception, so I'm on my way.

That's me standing in front of the terminal building at the Pittsburgh International Airport. 
I'm taking a hop to Newark where I will get on a British Air jumbo jet to London.

I'll write some more later today from Newark.  Be sure you check back later, and I'll see you then.

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The Gnome Handler Wonders If He’s Slipped Into “The Onion’s” Universe

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Lord save me from clueless newbie news reporters!

 

After 17 years in television news, I tend to chaff when I see some news report about a fire-related story where it's obvious that the reporter hasn't a clue what he or she is talking about. I forgot what it was like being brand new and hanging on by my finger nails while trying to stay focused on my mission to shine the light of truth on all those neglected stories out there.  One such news story recently finally brought it all to a head……

There was a tire-pile fire in Texas that tied up local fire departments for 12 hours while trying to extinguish 200,000 tires well involved. This sentence was part of a quote from the Fire Chief:  "Chief Hinojosa says they used about 100 gallons of water."

Okay, I know the current thinking on tire-pile fires is to divide and conquer but 100 gallons? Maybe a 100 gallons of foam…..but I know that another report of the same fire said 100 THOUSAND gallons of water. Maybe it's just a proof reading problem, but I've seen worse.

A young reporter on a Pittsburgh station a few years ago was doing a live shot in front of a large structure fire. Defensive ops were under way with ladder pipes and deck guns in use. The reporter got completely flustered on-air while trying to explain why the "Firemen have taken their hoses up the ladders to spray water on the smoke in an effort to stop the fire".  Another one out of Cleveland explained to the public "that due to the severity of the fire, the firefighters had to bring in their big hoses"…..while pointing to the 4 inch LDH laying in the background. Yeah, I know, all Firefighters think they have big hoses.

I can't count the number of times I've heard newbie reporters call some room and contents fire a "4 alarm fire" because there were 4 fire trucks sitting out front. And try to explain to one of them why you are spraying "soap suds" on that tanker fire. SHEEESH!

For a few years in the early 2000's, there was some improvement. Most news anchors and reporters seemed to "get it", but the industry has undergone a tremendous change since then. Veteran newsies have been shown the door and cute, under-educated and under paid "mic stands" have taken their place. (We call them that because holding a mic in front of the camera is about the only thing they can do right. )

I had an idea a few years back for a webpage designed to serve as an education portal for the press…teach them how to talk about us. Maybe it's time for it!

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F. G. Gnome Critiques a Flick

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Hey, Everybody!

I just back from the theater! My cousin, Gnome N. Clature (we call him “Winky”), has a  part in the new movie “Gnomeo and Juliet” and I just had to go see if he could act.  He still owes me the $500 he borrowed from me to get to Hollywood, so I hope his acting career does well!  In truth, it was worth the money just to get him off my couch, where he’s been sleeping since getting the heave-ho at the fish cannery.

Our local theater is showing Gnomeo and Juliet currently in 3-D! Amazing stuff really. No more of those lame red and green glasses either, they got new fangled ones that look just like those special ones in that alien movie “They Live”.  It’s a gnomern-day version of Shakespeare’s classic play, but this one has better-looking actors.

They have 11 screens in there, but the biggest crowd  was with me.

So a cup of bubbly and a bag of popcorn and I was ready for some entertainment. I had heard that Gnomeo and Juliet had been the #1 movie last weekend and I’m pretty sure it will keep that spot judging from the crowds at mid-week!

These new-style 3-D glasses are really cooool!

The movie isn’t just a kids movie, there is enough adult Gnome humor in there for all…and the story is a classic. Well worth the money to see on the big screen and I give it a 5-shovels rating!  Here’s a teaser for you that shows what the movie is about:

 

I’m not gonna tell you any more about the plot because I don’t won’t to spoil the movie for you.  But if you have ever wondered what your garden Gnomes do while you are at the fire house, this is the movie for you!

Firegeezer notes:  You can catch up on previous Gnome Reports HERE.

Diversions

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Those Wonderful Hours Away From The Station

By “Mainstreet” Marshall
Professional Storm Chaser, Fire Chief and Gnome Wrangler

For some, off-duty hours are used to work a second job.  For others, it’s a chance to start a business.  But for a lucky few…the days off are used for escape. Some of us use the time to climb on our Harley and hit the road. For others, the subtle movement of a fishing bobber on a glass-smooth lake surface captures our hearts.  But for me, none of the regular diversions have much appeal.  Nope, I’m looking for Dryline Magic.

My interest lies west of Interstate 35 which is also known as the “Great Wall of Chasing”.  The “wall” runs from Laredo, Texas northward to Salina, Kansas, with a few change-ups along the way. We call it “the Great Wall of Chasing” because east of I-35, the terrain is comprised of trees, hills, cities and people…all impediments to chasing tornadoes at reasonable speeds.  West of I-35 lies the prairie.  Few trees, fewer people, roads laid out in a nice orderly grid and some of the nicest people I’ve ever met. It’s a great place to forget your worries and enjoy an America that few city people ever get to see.

Each spring, the warmth of the Great Plains beckons me, for I know, that when that warmth clashes with the cold air coming from the Rockies, we will have that “Dryline Magic” and there is nothing like it anywhere else on the planet. Most of us are familiar with the ingredients for tornadoes and severe storms but there is a special area where those rules of nature don’t necessarily apply.

The Dryline is a phenomenon that sets up in the western plains in the spring.

West of the line, the dew points may be in the 30s, to the east they may be as high as 70 and the area that separates those two air masses may only be 20 miles across. When a disturbance in the atmosphere goes across the Dryline, a massive supercell may erupt, and THAT is what I’m after. The storms that go up here are frequently alone, standing out there with few other clouds around to inhibit the view. While many chasers, in fact most other chasers seek a tornado, I’m something of an oddity among chasers. I’m a structure freak. I love a storm that’s pretty. Don’t necessarily care if there’s a nader under it, as long as it’s pretty.

Some DryLine Magic

Those of you who live in the east and have never ventured out to the great American plains, haven’t a clue what these monsters could look like. Our storms out east are usually lost in all the other clouds…not these guys.

Prior to the advent of Doppler Radar, locals knew that these areas were prone to massive storms on short notice, but no one really knew why or how. With Doppler radar, minute disturbances in the atmosphere can now be tracked.

I’ve been a Storm Chaser for many years…even before the movie “Twister” came out. Chasing severe storms comes naturally to me. My father grew up in Oklahoma and I spent many a summer there as a kid. My Dad loved a good storm and we spent many hours sitting on the porch, watching Mother Nature’s fireworks. It wasn’t until 1972 that it occurred to me to get in the car and actually follow the storm. Imagine my surprise when I discovered other wackos…err I mean researchers who also chased after the storms. Before “Twister”, you never told “civilians” what you were doing. If you did, they would inevitably all ask the same question…”what do you do when you catch one?” In the post “Twister” world, not only do they understand what its all about, they pay me good money to take them out to see the storms up close and personal!

I guess you could call Storm Chasing the ultimate sport. Other sports have become so well regulated that they are a mere shadow of their former selves. Not Storm Chasing! It’s you and your gadgets versus Mother Nature, going nose-to-nose on the biggest playing field on the planet…and this spring looks to be the Super Bowl of Storms thanks to a very strong La Nina. I’m counting the days!

And this is my target!  We call this a “Mother Ship”

National Geographic photo

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Firegeezer adds:  Steve’s posts are archived under the category Gnome Report.  You can click on that category over on the right sidebar and scroll down to last year’s storm chase to sample his “escape.”

Gnome Report

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F.G. Gnome Is Back In Town!

HEY, GUYS…YOU KNEW I’D BE BACK, didn’t ya’?  Did you miss me while I was gone?

I got back last night and then went looking for my boss, Steve.  He’s been running fires all week and busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest since he was made Fire Chief this month.  He was tryin’ to tell me that they’ve had 8 workers in the past 5 days, but a gnome knows blarney when he sees it.

I had to take an unplanned trip down to Oklahoma to bail my Uncle Duhh out of jail.  He was framed, like the gnomes always are, for something he says he didn’t do.  It was on all the news shows….did you see it? 

I was sooo embarrassed.  Anyway, the justice of the peace dropped the charges on the condition that he leave town and never set foot there again.  So I’m back here now and ready to get back to work for Firegeezer.  See ya’ soon!

F.G. Gnome

F. G. Gnome Gains Recognition

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Hooray!  I’ve hit the big time! 

Hi, everybody.  F. G. Gnome here.  It’s been a while since my last visit, but I have some news for you today.  I have been selected to try out and report on a variety of firefighter cleansing products put out by AXE. 

I received a box full of great soaps including:

  • FEVER Shower Gel with Brazilian Hot Mud Extract
  • AXE Rise Shower gel with Himalayan Minerals and Lime Extract
  • AXE Heat Igniting Citrus 2 in 1 shampoo and conditioner
  • AXE Zen Soothing Tea Tree Shampoo
  • AXE Snake Peel shower scrub with desert minerals(sand?)  and cactus oil, and
  • AXE Downpour Refreshing Mint Shampoo

This is going to be such great fun!  And Steve, the Gnome Handler, is going to be happy too, because I haven’t had a good bath since I got back from Baltimore in July.

I will be giving my product reviews on the soaps over the next few weeks, so keep watching for the Gnome Reports and learn about these special cleansers that are designed to take that “smokey” smell out of your hair and off your skin before you leave the firehouse.

Talk to you later!  F. G. Gnome

Gnome Handler tell us:  I was walking past the bathroom while he was trying one of the bath soaps and I could hear him yell out, “oooooo….it’s all tingly!”

Get caught up on previous Gnome Reports HERE.

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Gnome Report

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A Close Call

Hey, everybody…. how’s it going?  Do you remember a couple of weeks ago when I told you about the little town of Gillette, Wyoming, that was going to auction off more than 100 of my cousins?  (see the Gnome Report from Sept. 8 HERE.)  Well, it’s a good thing I didn’t spend my boss’ money going out there to rescue them because they pulled the gnomes out of the city auction.

It seems that when the word of the gnome auction spread around, the police department in Arvada, Colorado, called the Gillette PD inquiring about them.  There have been more than 150 gnomes stolen from the Aurora area since July and they wanted to get descriptions of the wayward little folk.  So the Gillette PD withdrew them from the auction and sent photos up to Colorado.

Still held in isolation.

On top of that, just recently the Helena, Montana, police have just been handed a cache of 10 gnomes that were found last week on a mountain trail nearby, abandoned….cold and frightened.

“We have 10 wayward gnomes here,” said Helena Police Chief Troy McGee.  Someone placed the dwarflike creatures made of both ceramic and plastic on Mount Helena along the 1906 Trail. They were found Monday evening.

The gnomes are believed to be stolen from their homes. McGee said police have contacted residents who have recently reported their garden decorations stolen and have not been able to find any matches so far.

M’Gawd… there is a serial GnomeNapper loose in the Rockies!  I’m staying close to home and sleeping inside for a while.

Thanks for your support! …. F. G. Gnome

Gnome Report

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Hey….it’s good to see ya’ again!  I’ve recuperated from the long walk back from Baltimore in July and been doin’ some serious loafing.  I was jarred into action today though, when I saw THIS ARTICLE in the Gillette, Wyoming, News Record:

There are always a few unique items that show up at the annual city auction, but the more than 100 garden gnomes on the auction block Thursday might be the oddest yet.

The gnomes were recovered by the police who caught two teenage girls stealing them from yards around northeast Wyoming in May. Some 143 gnomes were recovered and those that weren’t picked up by their owners will be auctioned Thursday along with city office supplies, laptops, tools and vehicles.

These are my relatives they’re talking about!  And here I am, stuck 1,200 miles away and can’t get there to rescue them.  And dang it all, they won’t take telephone bids!  Ya’ gotta be there.

Good lookin’ bunch, aren’t they?  (News Record / Strupp photo)

They are kindly waiting until everybody gets off work before they start auctioning off the surveyed vehicles, tools and other surplus equipment along with the unclaimed stolen goods.  The hammer starts to fall at 5:30 pm Mountain time, but the warehouse opens at 2 pm if you can get there in time to preview the item.

My call goes out to you folks who live in the Rockies….Can you help us out and go buy a gnome or two?  I know that Firegeezer readers would give them good homes and compassionate care.  And I, F. G. Gnome would really be grateful.  If you drop by Gillette Thursday, take your camera and send us some pics of the action.

Thanking you in advance…. F. G. Gnome

A Netcast Interview That You Won’t Be Hearing

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WE HOPE YOU HAVE BEEN CHECKING IN with the Firefighter Netcast channel (HERE) and catching up with the back-netcasts that are archived and ready for downloading.

Last week they had an interesting interview with a couple of nice ladies who are both publishers of fire blogs relating to their experiences as wives of career firefighters, Shari Simpson (Two In, Two Out) and Jenna Hatfield (Stop Drop and Blog).  CLICK HERE to read more about them and get the link to either download or listen to the netcast.

The Firefighter Netcast hosts, Rhett Fleitz (The Fire Critic) and John Mitchell (Fire Daily) set up shop at last month’s Firehouse Expo in Baltimore and recorded more than a dozen interviews with people who are prominent in the fire and EMS community. 

During the upcoming weeks, we’ll be hearing these interviews over the web, but there is one interview that I’m afraid we’ll never get to hear.  As you probably know, F. G. Gnome was at the Firegeezer/STATter911 booth all  three days and the Netcast Guys invited F.G. to be interviewed.  He literally jumped at the chance and leapt up onto the broadcast table and began jabbering, like he does sometimes, completely ignoring the questions that Rhett and John had for him.  Well, he IS a gnome, you know.

Despite the hosts attempts to rein F. G. in and get an intelligent report on his life as a fire gnome, the whole thing just fell apart as F. G. really got wound up and went off the deep end.  Finally, Rhett and John had to just give up and scrub the show.

That’s too bad because there are a lot of people who would love to have heard the squeaky voice of our official gnome.  When I asked F. G. what went wrong and why he failed to communicate effectively, he told me:  “Ahhhh…. it was all those guys’ fault!   They just don’t understand the Gnomenclature!”

That’s what I’ve got to work with, folks.  The sacrifices that we have to make in order to bring you the Firegeezer news and events.

You can catch up on our previous Firegeezer Gnome reports HERE.

Gnome Report – Made It!

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On The Road to Baltimore – Made it!

Hi, Everybody!

Yes, that’s right…. I made it into Baltimore today and all the way down to the Convention Center near the Inner Harbor.  It was good weather all the way and I didn’t have a traffic problem at all.  In fact, everybody seemed to be running off in the opposite direction.  But here I am, in the lobby of the facility…..

It sure is a big place.  And it’s right across the street from the Baltimore Orioles baseball park.  I might catch a game while I”m here!  I’ve already found a cozy, dark spot underneath one of the escalators where I can probably sleep tonight.  Then after the guys get the booth all set up tomorrow, I’ll make my grand entrance into the exhibit hall.   Maybe I’ll see you there, too!  Come on by Booth #738 and say “hello.”

See you at the next Gnome Report.

Gnome Report – On The Road

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On The Road to Baltimore

Hi, Everybody….

As I had planned (HERE), I had a day of rest in York yesterday, still in Pennsylvania.  It gave me a good chance to rest up after three days of pulling my wagon down the road, and I’m glad that I did because they have a great fire museum here.  It’s in an old firehouse that was built over 100 years ago and they have all kinds of neat stuff in there.  They even have a working fire alarm system where you can pull the handle on the street box and watch it send the signal to the telegraph machine at the alarm center.  I couldn’t reach the handle, so the nice man there held me up so that I could.

And you can’t stop in York without visiting the Harley-Davidson factory.  I really liked the factory tour where I got to see them putting the fine machines together.  I took one for a test drive, but it turns out that you’re not allowed to do that.  Ha!  I really had them wound up for a while!

Ok…I’m back on the road today, heading due south into Baltimore and should be there tomorrow.  I’ll let you know when I get there.

You can catch up on F. G. Gnome’s previous reports HERE.  He’s on his way to Baltimore where he will be meeting many of his friends at the Firehouse Expo this week.

Gnome Report – On The Road

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On The Road to Baltimore

Hi, Everybody!

Well, I made it to Harrisburg by yesterday afternoon (as I had hoped).  I paused to look at Pennsylvania’s beautiful state capital building.  From what I hear, the inside is absolutely gorgeous.  I hope to stop again on my way back home next week and take the tour through the capital.

I’m leaving here this morning and heading due south to York.  It’s not too far from here and it will give me a chance to rest up after those two long days of pulling my wagon.  I want to be in good shape when I get to the Expo.  I’ll check back with you tomorrow, so keep a look out for me.

You can catch up on F. G. Gnome’s previous reports HERE.  He’s on his way to Baltimore where he will be meeting many of his friends at the Firehouse Expo this week.