Introducing KA-BOOM Ball !
Some Sunday Morning Silliness ©
MY SON RECENTLY COMPLAINED ABOUT THE TWO TEAMS facing each other in the upcoming Superbowl, saying that the last time these two played, the ratings were near record lows for the Superbowl.
In other sporting events, things have gotten so bad, that promoters have even tried near-nudity to bring the fans into their taxpayer provided stadiums and arenas. The Lingerie Football League is steadily growing in attendance thanks to us pervs, but other sports have begun to wane in attendance.
Lingerie Football League photo
Well I think I can fix that with just a little bit more work. Let's face reality. Many people watch stock car racing not for the race…but for the CRASHES!
It's a fact of human nature that we are inexplicably drawn to images of death and disaster. That's why so many TV shows now feature disaster footage and themes. They know you will watch. News shows lead off with the latest video just in from some God-forsaken place that just got hit by earthquake, volcanic eruptions or tornado….Why? Because you watch! YouTube videos that feature explosions, stupid people and car crashes are among the top draws there. Why? Because you watch! So let's take advantage of that urge.
I propose that the powers-that-be in each of the respective professional sports replace the ball, puck or object used in the game with one that will at some point in the game….explode. Nothing huge, just enough to get your attention…and remove nearby body parts of the slow or unlucky.
The explosion has to be totally random so that there is an even chance that it will explode while no one is around it, or go off while the highest paid player is holding it.
This will accomplish several things:
* People will tune in to see if someone gets killed or maimed this week.* It will help thin out the herd of pampered, spoiled and waaaaaaay overpaid players, making way for the new and upcoming players with potential and motivation.
* We the fans will get to see just who really wants to play and who is just there for the pay check.
* It will be a financial shot in the arm for prosthetics manufacturers, physical therapy specialists, funeral homes and collectible sports cards makers, who will be busy constantly issuing new cards for all the new players and memorial cards for those who were slow on the draw.
* It will generate lots of new jobs and immediately start a whole new industry making exploding sports equipment!
As technology progresses, we could eventually eliminate the yellow penalty flag used in football with player-worn taser belts. Next time a linesman goes off sides, we all get to see the real punishment, not just some lame 10 yard penalty. BZZZZZZZZZZZZ YAH!!!!!!!
I can imagine the play-by-play now…..Jones throws a long bomb ….Richards is in the clear near the 5-yard line….OH NO! Richards and 2 of the CowboyS defenders have disappeared in a KA-BOOM penalty detonation!
You see? I have answers to all of the world's problems but no one asks me!
Reprinted from the Gnome Handler Steve Marshall's e-newspaper Meadville Live.
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Thats right Generals fans, the details are ironed out and the press release is created.

























Retirement Heaven For Sale
Comments OffJust What I Have Always Dreamed Of !
I HAVE LONG BEEN INTRIGUED by the possibilities of owning my own aircraft carrier. Imagine the 9 hole golf course you could put on the flight deck….with the worlds biggest water hazard! Put dinner theaters in the hanger decks…. guest rooms in the other spaces…. a floating Las Vegas with real clout!
Then just last week my dream came one step closer to reality. The Associated Press ran this story:
I'm going to check my portfolio now!
p.s. Don't tell FG Gnome… He'll want one for himself.
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